Introducing: Field Notes on a Softer Life
part one. the beginning of a new series.
I write this on New Year’s Eve, in front of my fireplace on meditation cushions with my dog at my side. I am bringing in 2026 on my own. I am writing a letter to myself to read a year from now, and letters to people who are no longer in my life that I will burn. The sentiment of the words will get to them that way. I have spent the last week in solitude as much as I can, mostly just feeling. Clearing. I had to let many things go this year, and had to face myself in new ways. It all distilled me. I am at my core. I am my core. And part of me really missed this — this essence, this hunger for a way of being, this intensity. I never learned how to carry this self into relationships, how to keep her alive while I pour love into another. Even in my desire to have someone new I lost this self for him when I had just started getting her back, when he asked nothing of me. That is still one of my (many) lessons to learn, to keep hold of her.
So I enter into this new year alone and maybe 2026 will be the year for my passions. I have many plans, many goals, and many rules for myself so I don’t let another year go by without a true attempt at what I want to do. But all of these are secrets for myself. Once I speak my rules they lose their potency and I break them. I have dreams to start, projects to complete, businesses to begin. I build back up from this core. I re-decorate my life, my being. I romanticize again. I dream of the same few things all of the time, and new dreams trickle in. I leave room for the unknown and am excited to meet it.
I started this new series because I miss what Tumblr felt like in 2013. A diary. A portal into inner worlds. Images, inspiration, accidental poetry, journal entries, q&a. Substack now feels like an endless scroll of “how-to” essays and critiques on society, repeated sentiments for the sake of being trendy, a million lessons to learn and ways to live better. Sometimes it sucks me in, but I want to read someone’s diary. I always want to read someone’s diary. I want us to flip the magnifying glass back on ourselves. Why not do it myself? (Plus I’m so sick of social media, so I’m giving it a break. Treating this like a personal blog sounds way more fun.)
In this series, you’ll find:
reflections on my life
current things I love
collections of what inspires me
anything creative (poems, drawings, photographs, recipes)
I don’t have many rules for this: only that I have something to share, that I am myself all the way, that I respect my own privacy (and others’), and that it stays fun for me.
The new title made me think about what a soft life means to me now, what it asks of me. Living a softer life requires me to not submit to everything in life, to not abandon myself so that others don’t feel abandoned, to not ask someone to go deeper for me when they clearly will not or cannot, to not stay in places longer than I should. To honor my own solitude deeper, to say no to things, to hone in on my passions and make that the center. To let there be a fantasy, a dream, a line of a poem in the air forever. My softness is a garden that needs an intricate iron fence with a gate, a fence covered in morning glories and autumn clematis, a beautiful border for inner safety and flourishing. Only then can the flowers bloom fully. Only then can it all exhale. My softness needs protection. This I have learned only recently, or maybe just got reminded of again. When I honor myself my softness grows, and in my softness lies my dreams for my life, lies my love. If I lose it because I don’t know when to shut the gate, then that’s all on me. It is my responsibility.
currents & favorites:
J. Crew claw clip. Everyday Oil in Early Morning. Dieux moisturizer. My glasses I lose every 2 months. Two Lush perfumes I am layering (trying to find my new scent after 8 years of the same one): Lord of Misrule & Rose Jam. Refy lip blur in Opal, Refy lipstick in Canyon, Rhode lip balm in Salty Tan. Palo santo & sage. Rose Colored Glasses tincture from Wooden Spoon Herbs (use the code EMERYALLEN to get a discount on their products). Headphones. A beautiful handmade singing bowl gifted from my energetics teacher at graduation.
And below: currently reading How to Manifest by Lacy Phillips & Eve’s Hollywood by Eve Babitz. My every day journal, my spiritual journal, and my tiny journal for inspiration and eavesdropping.
A playlist for you: Field Notes of a Softer Life Playlist One
This is enough for part one of the series. Happy New Year, I hope you enjoy whatever comes,
Emery